The blog has retired!

You are welcome to browse through the many articles and inspirations I have written over the years.  Currently I'm focusing on my Wedding and Conceptual Photography work and will no longer set up blogs for them.  I am currently doing a web series to inspire, encourage and help others aspire at "Punches of Pink" on YouTube.  Thanks for checking in on me!

Enjoy this FREE inspiration artwork - post this near a mirror to read it!  So every time you look INTO the mirror, you read these words!  All my love.

New conceptual work - using textures from our #deathofanoven

This last weekend we got our oooooold oven/stove/microwave replaced.  As we yanked it out and started tearing it down I noticed JUST how insanely dirty it was.  When the appliance is inside its comfy nook, you cannot see the GREASE DRIPS down the side!  I always knew - since we moved in there HAD to be grease somewhere there....because of our cabinets having some of it.

What i didn't know was just how fun these textures would be in my conceptual work!  
I took a variety of images to gather for future art....
the future...was TODAY!

Here is the back story.

As you can see - a vastly different age and color change here! :) 

I loved that old stove...I really did!  But we had pretty much used it til death.  

As we were dismantling the whole thing - the door was taken off...the microwave detached and all the pieces just lay in our driveway until moved to the front for pickup.  Here are some of the textures I grabbed!

It looks like a COMPLETE mess!!!!  I'm not sure who owned or rented the house before us - but there was soooo much grease. :)  We didn't even see how crazy it was in there until we moved it out! :) 

That all being said though, we really enjoyed this stove that was there in our home when we moved in.  We didn't even have to go buy one.  :)  It was a bonus being newly married and having one appliance already there.  

Here are two art pieces I made today using some of these textures!  
I look forward to creating more with you! 

What was YOUR last fun texture to work with?  Please share!

Jen


Pink Light Images
www.pinklightimages.com

The Minneapolis wedding teasers!

I was quite overjoyed to work with kateryna as a bride this time instead of a model!  They brought me up from Texas to capture the entire wedding day full of Russian influences!  The entire ceremony was all in Russian as well as the reception with LOTS of yummy foods!  Here are some teasers!!!!

How weddings can turn you into a better person!

Image by Irish Coffee Studio - Scarborough Renaissance Festival 2016

Wedding days!

(me, as the rainbow fairy at the Scarborough Renaissance Festival capturing a wedding) 

You might be thinking to yourself... 

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?!

A wedding day in a couples' life is literally the most challenging AND rewarding day I'll ever work in my life.  (so far).  I have learned so many things about myself and the human race at a wedding day celebration.  In that respect, I feel I've also grown as a human being and became a better person because of it.  Let me break it down for you!

#1 - Weddings bring out more love than you imagine!  
I've seen weddings that have been overly dramatized because of turmoil, but most of the weddings I'm a part of are literally EXPLODING with love!  I have learned to loved deeper being around people that truly are there to support and love during the entire event.

#2 - Weddings bring out everyone's inner creativity!
I've noticed these days instead of following a cookie cutter list of things a couple should do, we are actually getting creative with expressing ourselves MORE!  I have seen endless hours put into DIY projects all for the love of the ideas & creativity the families & friends possess to make a day fun and decorative.  My favorite kinds of weddings are those that allow folks to dress in costume or a theme!  This allows everyone to express not only their LOVE, but their creativity!  It is seriously the best!

#3 - Weddings enhance TIME management skills!
If you have ever wondered what it is like being a wedding photographer...do we know the times?  The schedules?  Sometimes yes and no!  I am now to the point of being able to better use my time with the couples as we plan out their day for the images they want.  It has made being a small business owner more thrilling because I've learned to manage time for things that are VERY important.  Have you ever talked to a wedding planner?  Ask them about TIME management!  It has made me far better of a planner and using my time better.

#4 - Weddings help us work in TEAMS!
I know going in I'm only ONE of handfuls of vendors there to serve the couples and the family on the big day!  In talking and reaching out to the other people working there - you learn better teamwork skills.  Communicating thoughts & ideas and then DOING them is a brilliant wedding day!

#5 - Weddings help you appreciate the life you have!
Every single time I capture a wedding I am thankful for my husband.  I remember how we met, how we courted and when we got married.  I get to re-live those moments during the days I'm shooting pictures.  I get to see how 2 people committed before their respected family and friends and have a bond of unity.  I go home a better person in gratitude than I ever could in being jealous for someone else's life.

Staying THANKFUL for who you are, what you do and the life you have is powerful.

I hope you enjoy these little bits today - I'm pretty obsessed about things I learn and grow with.

The next time you are at a wedding day, take a moment to look at the photographer differently.  You might just see something in yourself and in them that unites us all!

To hire me for your wedding day:
Contact Jen at www.pinklightimages.com

I specialize in creative/unique/themed weddings as well as a handful of
destination weddings throughout the year. 

SUBSCRIBE to my YOUTUBE for "Punches of Pink" -  a series that inspires, encourages and helps others to aspire.

"The Dust Maiden"

I revisited a folder from 11/11 - when I visited my friend Dale and worked with Jane Love again.  That experience was so unique and fast.  I was able to see things I hadn't seen before and create some images that really gave me a great memory to come home with.  I'm the kind of person who plans very little (but has ideas)...and I love shooting in locations/outfits for HOURS.  I sometimes have to STOP myself from the free-flow of creativity....

I felt this image here felt a little like a dust storm.  My life right now is a semi-strong dust storm...where I can't see much in front of me but I'm still moving and standing on the rock which is a solid foundation.  In these moments - I have much to be thankful for and MEMORIES that can NEVER be taken away. 

"The Dust Maiden"
Model: Jane Love
Designer: RFD by Rachel Frank
MUA/Hair: Jane Love
Assisted by Dale Ralph
Denver CO
11/11/2016

The "fair maiden" dress... What is your favorite prop?

 I'm sure there a few photographers and artists that can relate to using props in their images.  We can enhance our art and story by using them!  Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't...

Today's prop: 
The "Fair Maiden" dress....

I came upon this dress somewhere in New Hampshire in 2014 I believe...one of my long long drives from Boston up to the coast of Maine.  I thought it was super home-made looking and a little dated.  However I've found over this last year or more that I've really had a lot of fun making photography with it.  

Why do I call it the "Fair Maiden" dress? 

Several reasons:
#1-it's white and shiny - everything that "fair" could mean.  Bright...takes light really well and REFLECTS light really well.

#2-my first name "Jennifer" means white wave, fair lady, fair enchantress, fair

#3- any time i use this dress now I have a common theme in which the person wearing truly takes this ugly white dress and gives it life...it has a liquid flow to it unlike ANY other dress i've ever owned.   

This image below was created around Cannon Beach, OR.  By the time this dress gets wet the flow no longer is apparent, but it still gives great shapes & inspiration.  I think the reflection is just amazing and gives me a sense of a mirror. 

 

This image was created at Haystack Rock.  A very dreamy place full of mystery and things that you can see at low tide...but i was there at HIGH tide. :(   The wind most often takes this dress and makes it look interesting and also is a great separator to dark backgrounds in any light scenario.  When its in full sun, it GLOWS!  

This image was created AFTER all the amazing 2 days of shooting with Jasmine.  I had wondered what it would look like on the ground or floating in the water.  I found however, that the waves would literally bunch it up and carry it out to sea....I almost let it go a little too long!  This dress has been good to me... I have put if through a lot so far.  I can tell you this much - it loves the beach... just as much as I do. :)  

 What props inspire you?  What props do you find yourself using over and over?  

Show me some images and tell me about your prop!!!!

Love Jen

Creativity + Community Photo Workshop!

"Creativity and Community" Photography Workshop

I've long been getting requests to do some creative workshops here in the metroplex.  This summer I wanted to bring you something focused on photography for all levels.  I don't even mind if you bring your PHONE!  Creativity is within us and comes through us.  

I hope to take you through a journey pieced together in creativity, learning community with each other and getting out of your own box.  One of the top things that can hold us back is simply being BURNED OUT.  We are overworked, stressed and running out of steam.  I want to bring you back to a place where you seek out the passions that drive you and ignite your creativity to give yourself a fresh perspective on life, photography and business.

Invest in yourself, Invest in your passion.

 Join me August 7th for 2 different sessions at Art is Life Studio, Richardson TX.

Session 1:  1pm-4pm
Session 2:  5pm-8pm
Add-on:  One on One mentoring to be used 30 days after the workshop.  

You can do a half day or full day option.  Both sessions will be different, but still helpful to you as you are building creativity & photography.  Full information on the sessions are coming soon.

The one on one mentoring is your chance to hash out some questions, ideas and things that you have been either burned out on or stuck about.  I can help you with creative solutions, ideas and help you get to another place in your creativity.  

SESSION 1:  (1-4pm)
Purpose:  exploring your why
Business: Marketing health check
Creativity: taking your idea to make it happen - (hands on shooting) 

SESSION 2:  (5-8pm) 
Burnout: getting stuck in the cycle and learning how to jump out
Business: how is your brand? 
Creativity: building community through collaboration (hands on shooting)       

All sales final.
No refunds or transfers.

To reserve your SPOT NOW:

Sessions Available

Half Day (1-4) $95.00 USD Half Day (5-8) $95.00 USD Full Day $180.00 USD One on One mentorship add-on $100.00 USD

Have you tried something new?

(LtoR:  Jane Love, Me, Chelsea Goers, Mary Poll and Dale Ralph)

 

 When was the last time you tried something new?

In life I've found most comparisons we hear on podcasts, teachings, preaching, video blogs, live feeds and more....we hear life is like a mountain range.  We have peaks and valleys.  Have you ever considered that in between those two points and ON those two points you may have to try something new?

There are a lot of emotions and challenges that come with pursuing our passions.  In that time of trying, questioning, doing and doubting we may find simply that we need to TRY something new.  The word try to me doesn't say "succeed or fail", it simply says TRY.  The action word.

REAL LIFE
In this behind-the-scenes main image (above)  I was starting to have a miscarriage.  I didn't let it stop my creativity while I was in the moment with my awesome creative cohorts.  I tried something very bizarre and new in the space and time I had been given as a photographer with a model.  I took the time to TRY something that seemed like it would lead to nowhere.  In the end, it led to LAUGHTER and many new weird ideas forming.
You can tell we are ALL engaged in the moment and trying to figure it all out together.

What is a new thing for you?

Is it a new class to learn something?  A new area around your city to explore?  A new recipe to cook?  Maybe a new fitness style class?

BURN OUT
I find myself burned out as a photographer only when it comes to education in my industry.  I value the instructors and their time and talent, but I get so burned out easily when it is something that doesn't inspire me to grow or be challenged.  I step away and find something ELSE creative to learn that enchances my OVERALL skill-set and I find a happy place.  That happy place my friends is trying something new. 

Recently I just completed one of my favorite "Punches of Pink" episode 15.  It has one of my favorite people on the planet in it.  Because of her, I've learned more about storytelling than photography.  There is just something about passions at the core and what we try to communicate as artists.  I tried something new taking her courses on just that.

In that token as well, starting the new webseries "Punches of Pink" has been the most enlightening and rewarding experiences of my life.  Mostly because its not all about ME.  I like bringing in the community of people I'm surrounded by to hear and share their stories of inspiration or encouragement.  This is something I jumped out and TRIED this year, 2016.

Have you tried something new that has NOTHING to do with yourself? 
What strengths do you possess that you have not ACCESSED because you haven't tried something new?

NEW THINGS = NEW COMMUNITY
I found a new avenue of creativity and community when I stopped thinking of only myself and what I know.  We should ALL be sharing things we know with each other!  We can all be celebrated in this moment that our life story should be shared with each other.  Our hurts, our deepest desires, fears, joys, strengths and weaknesses.  The moment we start to worship someone that seems so perfect and has their life together - is the moment we forget we have our own life to live and make GREAT. :)

Today, get out there and try something NEW.
It can be anything that has been hounding your heart/mind...
I'm betting you know exactly what it is!

Get out there, and find your greatness!

Love Jen


NEWS:

 You can now listen to my podcast with NERD OUT LOUD episode 127 to hear how being a Blue Man Fan for the past 20 years has been a part of my story & art.


 

Punches of Pink - Episode 15 - Brooke Shaden

“Punches of Pink” episode 15!

Special Guest:  Brooke
Shaden

I’m so excited to share this episode with you today!  I’ve had a blast ever since I met Brooke to
be challenged in storytelling, fine art and just overall being a normal “weird”
person.  My art has shifted and changed
since meeting her and I have loved every minute!  I bring you an inspirational video today and
wanted to be sure you know about her convention coming up this year September
27-29^th.  I went to the
Promoting Passion convention last year and it was pretty awesome.  To be around like-minded people is very
empowering!  I hope you have an AMAZING
weekend and walk away inspired, encouraged and hopeful to ASPIRE to be all you
can be!   Love Jen.

Punches of Pink: Episode 14 - Angie on Writing and Comfort zones!

in case you missed this yesterday...i'm sorry it was SO LATE!!!!



"Punches of Pink" episode 14 - Angie - real talk about writing and comfort zones!




This is a dear long-time friend of mine whom I just adore! She is sharing a tad about some writing exercises she walked through as well as some insight on staying in your comfort zone. Hope you enjoy! I just love her giggles and smile!

Pink Light Images www.pinklightimages.com

going through LOSS without getting LOST!

“going through LOSS without getting LOST”…

In these moments leading up to what the calendar says is Mother’s day I felt it only fitting to share where we are now and the journey of healing since our 2^nd miscarriage. 

I find it hard to be in any sort of spotlight about this personal experience…but I also know that so many people have dealt with, are dealing with or WILL deal with this type of thing.  Not everyone can say they were in the same city, same time of year and around some of the same people when they had their miscarriage.  For whatever reason, I was. 

Both times I was surrounded by many creatives and we all had various purposes for being there but one unified theme… to CONNECT. 

Now that I’ve come through the worst part which was so physically hard…  I have come to the emotional stage of healing.  I started the process at the last video I shared online.  We already had received the news and begun grieving the day of the news.  It hadn’t meant I gave up, it simply meant emotions came POURING out of me.  I updated you on the actual week of the miscarriage and now I’m going to talk about where I am now. 

Over the last few weeks I’ve had plenty to keep me busy!  Being a full-time photographer and artist I am always accessing this gift in any token at any given time.  April was my busiest business month.  I had much to think about while preparing to serve my clients.  The grief and doubts were overtaken by my love of photography and servanthood to my couples.  If I did have a moment?  It was a private one in the comfort of my own home or driving to the bridal show.  I broke down in tears when I was driving because I was jealous that God got to meet my children and I didn’t.  I don’t even have a face of them…only their spirit. 

My biggest challenge will always be to walk through the vices of comparison.  We know it well.  Our good friend *comparison*  that tells us we are “less than” because we didn’t get that THING whatever that THING might be.  I am watching all of my baby buddies have no issues and all the other new babies being born.  AGAIN.  Déjà vu?  Didn’t I go through this last year????… YEA.

At first, I couldn’t look at ANYONE’s pictures.  The online world makes everything looks SO perfect.  I had to stop and shake myself up a bit realizing again that my story is MINE and theirs is theirs.  I’ve had to have MANY conversations with others that want to lay things on me that aren’t mine.  I have already had so many fears and doubts about being a mom anyways – I don’t need any more heaped on me than I already heaped onto myself.  I’m doing better at this – I can look at pictures with less triggering of deep emotional pains.

At this point, I could have gotten LOST in that negative pattern of self-doubt and critical thinking.  By lost I mean, LOST in thought…in emotion and completely de-railing myself from my original purpose anyways.  My purpose will always be to submit to God’s will for my life and the journey I will take as his friend and daughter.  I had to take a moment to realize that it is THIS journey that will speak volumes to those hurting and lost in their own worlds of emotion, despair and pain.  Purpose is so much more than you can ever put on paper.  Purpose keeps me alive and going.

How to not get LOST?

Shift your FOCUS: 

I have found that walking through this has left me finding focus into my many missions and purposes here.  I don’t have just the “one”.  I didn’t dream of being a mom a gazillion years ago.  We just decided it was time to walk that path!  I didn’t worship that desire nor did I completely shut it down.  I think there is a healthy focus when you remember that you have purpose and get focused on walking that purpose.  Find that great in between place where you don’t obsess about it but don’t necessarily shelf it either.

Walk THROUGH it not around it.

My biggest revelations to my own self while walking this has been to NOT avoid emotions and the feelings involved with this.  (or avoid this blog & video) You have to walk through the challenge and not around it.  Strength comes as your work these “muscles” in spirit, emotion, body and mind.  Not once in this space will I say “oh this is sooooo easy”.  NO NO NO NO.  It is the hardest thing I’ve done so far.  Working through dealing with people AND my own emotions have been soooo BRUTAL. 

Give yourself time.

I’m the kind of person that really really does want to move on.  Whatever it takes?  I like moving on and forward.  I like sitting still sometimes and really being IN that moment, but ultimately I want to move forward and not fall into a pit of despair and stay there.  I am just at a month out from my actual physical miscarriage and I can say I feel like it has been 3 months.  My mind, body, spirit have been steadily filled and growing as I move actively in my healing process.  I even took myself to a movie to have a big huge cry!  Yep, I took myself to My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 and cried almost the whole movie. 

Look for the LIGHT:

When I’m in creation mode I am consistently using light as a focus point just as much as shadow.  I like diving into dark things, but I don’t want to live there.  The light in my life has been God’s love every step of the way.  In that light, I know I have the freedom to do all of the above and MORE.  Healing is not a one-person job…it takes help and it takes asking for help to heal.  I’ve been so blessed to have amazing angels around me that help me sort things out and LET me process the way I know I can.  The artist in me knows that creating ART through pain heals.  I get out my best emotions and ideas in places of strain, struggle and hopelessness.  Find that light in your life…and shine bright like the star you are!   The light will also help guide you through the dark forests and mountains. 

Make LOTS of artwork:

Even if you are not an artist…using art as a medium to heal is super powerful.  I have dived into paper mache, photography, writing and movie watching as many tools that help me process things.  Your inspiration and story can come through various mediums so don’t limit yourself to just ONE.  Even a silly little jewelry making event can be so liberating to your creative soul.  Feed that creativity, don’t starve it.  Do something using your hands!  Create through the deepest fibers and watch how your heart soars.

Where are we now?

Healing.  I am healing in all the ways I can heal.  I am processing one thing at a time.  I am moving forward.  I am talking to my midwife/doctor.  I am continuing to live with purpose.  I am making artwork and I am RESTING.  I got a tattoo for my 2^nd baby over a week ago.  I am healing from that too.  

Take the time to reach out to someone today if you know they are struggling with loss – tell them you care and are thinking of them. 

On Mother’s day, think just a tad bigger than having the physical children.  Some of us “mother” many other people in this world and that too, should be celebrated. 

Much love to you,

Jen


Watch "Punches of Pink" episode 13.

The guts to walk away?

some folks won't have the guts to walk away from something...
just because of the excitement/flow/popularity....

but when you need to find something for just YOU....you kinda have to walk away from the hype...and listen within.

Wedding Teasers!!!! - Winston & Renee!

I love seeing couples in love! It has been so awesome to see Winston get married off! They BOTH did very well! What an AMAZING couple!!!!  Here's some of the love! Congrats you guys!!!

Pink Light Images

www.pinklightimages.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Punches of Pink episode 10 : Virginia

Presenting: “Punches of Pink” episode 10!

I met the LOVELY Virginia at a photography convention in North
Carolina.  I found from the get-go she was a wealth of life, knowledge and experience unlike
any other person I had ever met!  I was SO happy to connect with her in California
while I was in the area for a business academy.  I think her message is timely to not only myself but to so many of us artists who may daily struggle with who we are and HOW we are created.   

I’m so happy to present “Punches of Pink” episode 10!   
Please share with friends that need this inspiration!  

Subscribe to the playlist:  https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWGjtKIVDRgugchsRp9slMPRf4EDmm5Do

Pink Light Images

www.pinklightimages.com
Weddings– Portraits – Conceptual Artwork

We're at NOW, now.

 

We're at NOW, now....

On March 27th 2016 I put out a Punches of Pink video that talked about our journey to the doctor with this pregnancy.  I had hope filled promises and dreams of miracles.  I had several people tell me things were going to be fulfilled of which I already knew.   (here is the video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzLi24pZTYc)

But what I wasn’t prepared for was another loss.

When I made the video it was all real.  It was real time, real reality.  We saw our sonogram and gasped when they said there was no life and hadn’t been for several weeks.  I thought to myself…”wasn’t I promised my rainbow baby?”.  It didn’t feel real and my body sure didn’t give me any indications.

The day after I released the video I headed to St Louis to meet with many friends before a photography convention I attended last year . I decided to not attend and just see friends instead and make art & photography with them.  I had a sense of freedom with me after releasing the video because it was part of my story.  I was literally at NOW.

Sunday went great!  I was able to meet up and start working with friends and just have a fun time and met everyone for dinner that night near Union Station.  I looked at all the faces I knew and didn’t know at the table and thought how lovely it was to have a small group to chat with and just chill.  I was in a state of bliss in that moment.

Monday arrived after I rested up and had been shooting images the day prior.  I woke up to light spotting.  I knew what this meant.  I knew that something could happen over the next week that would confirm everything we knew.  The exit of our lovely little baby.

Monday actually got more exciting on the art side though!  I went to the city museum for the first time in St Louis and walked, climbed and scouted for fun places to shoot with the amazing Jane Love.  I saw the mirrored room, which was a dream come true.  I saw my friends there working which is always a joy.  By the time we grabbed Pappy’s BBQ to go and headed back to the home where we were staying I felt ok.  I was getting tired but I was ok.

"The night from hell"

It was that night that seized me like I had never in my life been seized before.  After the entire day shooting and having fun I ended up downtown meeting friends and doing one final shoot for the day.  My body in that moment (around midnite or after) had decided to start full blast bleeding.  I realized also in this moment I didn’t have enough feminine products to sustain any heavy bleeding whatsoever.

In the walk to our car it just kept coming.  It was so heavy and frequent I was having to hold myself and pray it didn’t run down my leg.  There was no stopping it.  It was a RIVER coming out of me and I couldn’t even slow it down or keep up.   I walked into Walgreens completely COVERED in blood that I hid with my hoodie.  By the time I checked out I knew this was going to be the longest 20 minutes of my life back to the house.  But, I also didn’t realize…what would happen next.

Thankfully Jane was there with me and we got the products I needed.  I tried to buy ahead and hope for the best.  I had hoped it would slow down on the drive.  It did not.  I was afraid of bleeding all over their car.  I had already bled on my entire backside.  It was the longest 20 minutes of my life trying to get to a place where I could feel safe and have a bathroom really close.

We made it to the house and I ran upstairs to change clothing.  I just stared at the blood that was EVERYWHERE and decided that in order to be able to wear my shorts on the plane I had to wash them immediately.  I almost took a picture to tell this story with.
No one talks about how brutal this can be, til IT IS. 

"I was afraid to sleep.....because I might bleed all over their bedroom"

From about 2am til past 6am were the most horrific physically of my life.  I literally could not leave the bathroom for those 4-5 hours without gushing everywhere.  I thought to myself “If I don’t sleep, I may not be able to do my photo shoot in the morning”.  At that point I’m texting my model and letting her know what was going on.

I tried to lay down.  My body refused that.  I tried to sit in a chaise lounge and it was barely manageable so  I tried to sleep sitting up like I’ve done on planes a handful of times.  I never could seem to catch a break though.  As soon as I sat down…my body released more.  I thought about just living on the toilet.  It was awful.  The cramps were hard and so different than our last miscarriage.  Everything seemed to be moving at a faster pace and it really scared me.

By the time 630am rolled around my body had finally settled down for me to be able to lay down and try to sleep before my wake up call at 8am.  I was so scared all night to bleed on my guests sheets and furniture.  That was also why I probably barely slept.  I was trying to keep up with my own personal massacre.

The next 2 hours I must have gotten some kind of sleep because I awoke and started the process all over again.  My body was still moving and shaking things up for me and I started packing to leave for my flight.  I washed all the laundry from all the morning of miscarrying and threw them in the dryer.  Never at one point did I feel unsafe, judged or un-loved while going through this.  I felt I was in a home where I could go through this…and just go THROUGH it.  This does not mean it was fun though…going through this at a friends’ house felt almost unbearable and embarrassing.

My wonderful friend Erin nabbed me a banana and a Gatorade because I honestly didn’t know what I should or could eat after all of that.  I aimed for something that would give me energy just in case.  I really think my prayer was answered for multiplied sleep . I never once felt groggy, foggy or anything like that for the rest of the day.

I completed my final shoot of the trip and made my way to the airport.  My lovely friend Jane and I had our final moments of goodbyes and thank yous.  Without these friends…I’m not sure I would have been able to make it through.  Without the love and prayers from everyone in the last couple of weeks I KNOW for a fact I wouldn’t have made it.  The emotional scars sometimes last longer than the physical ones.  Our grief had started the moment we saw the sonogram and it was heartbreaking.  We want children and we want to have that seed in the earth.

When you don’t get what you envisioned or saw as your promise it is a disappointment. 

However, I as I’m walking through this I realized that this is MY story.  It is no one else’s.  My sister and mother didn’t have any problems at all conceiving and having children.  But I am.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I have to be ok with this being part of my story – but it is PAINFUL.  But I’m walking THROUGH it and not around it.

Please, if you have had someone in your life who is miscarrying right now or has miscarried…understand we don’t want to be invisible!  Just because we didn’t carry a baby full term does not mean it didn’t happen.  The hardest parts for me has been words that hurt instead of build up.  I’m learning to deal with people that just don’t understand and can cause worse damage than when you started.

At the same token, the outpouring of love has been GREAT for us.  Zak and I are walking through this and moving forward.  That is all I wanted since releasing the video on March 27^th.  I wanted answers so I could move forward.  But in that place?  WE WERE IN THE UNKNOWN…and the unknown? Is so scary sometimes.

I leave you with this:
-your purpose is more than you envisioned – it can be MORE and part of your story will involve hurts/pains – but you have to walk through it, not around it.

-your friends/family will be there for you and also say stupid things.  Be aware this will happen and learn to deal with it in a healthy way.

-create through pain.  When you use your gifts and talents to express through the pain…anything you write, create, do with that passion will really connect with others.  So just do it.  Find your healing.


All my best of love to you this week,

Jen

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Here is the last video I released about part of this story.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzLi24pZTYc